3 Ladies

3 ladies were on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea. The first lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up. A second lady beside her questioned her on her actions. The first lady replied that if she looked beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first. On hearing this, the second lady started to put on all her jewelries. An third woman sitting beside the second lady was curious and questioned her. The second lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels. Then the third woman started taking her clothes off. Both the first and second ladies were shocked and questioned her. The third woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the "Black Box" first!

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife an asked, 'What?' CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!' WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about whoshould brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.' The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...........'HEBREWS' The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

Don't mess with old people

Harold was an old man. He was sick
and in the hospital. There was one nurse
that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk
to him like he was a little child. She
would say in a patronizing tone of voice,’

And how are we doing this morning',

or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry?'

Old Harold had had enough of this
particular nurse. One day, at breakfast,
Old Harold took the apple juice off the
tray and put it in his bed side stand.
Next, he was given a urine bottle
to fill for testing.

 

 

                        So you know where the juice went! 

The nurse came in a little later, picked
up the urine bottle and looked at it.
'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. '

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle
out of her hand, popped off the top,
and drank it down, saying,
'Well, I'll run it through again.
Maybe I can filter it better this time.'

The nurse fainted!

 

 

Old Harold just smiled!