Holy Humour

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
 because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
 Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
 "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
 appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
 When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer
 along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't
 give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

 ========
 There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and
 announced to his congregation:
 "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we
 have enough money to pay for our new gym - fellowship
 hall building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in
 your pockets."

 ========

 While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an
 Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had
 a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage
 was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs
 on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."

 ========

 A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a
 question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
 A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said
 the kindergarten boy.
 "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
 "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

 ========

 A minister waited in line to have his car filled
 with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
 The attendant worked quickly, but there were
 many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant
 motioned him toward a vacant pump.
 "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry
 about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits
 until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
 The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean.
 It's the same in my business."

 ========

 People want the front of the bus, the back of
 the church, and the center of attention.

 ========

 Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very
 young daughter what the lesson was about.
 The daughter answered, "Don't be scared,
 you'll get your quilt."
 Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
 Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea
 and the Mom asked him what that morning's
 Sunday school lesson was about.
 He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

 ========

 The minister was preoccupied with thoughts
 of how he was going to ask the congregation
 to come up with more money than they were
 expecting for repairs to the church building.
 Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
 regular organist was sick and a substitute had
 been brought in at the last minute. The substitute
 wanted to know what to play.
 "Here's a copy of the service," he said
 impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of
 something to play after I make the announcement
 about the finances."
 During the service, the minister paused
 and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in
 great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
 much as we expected and we need $4,000 more.
 Any of you who can pledge $100 or more,
 please stand up."
 At that moment, the substitute organist
 played "The Star Spangled Banner."
 And that is how the substitute became
 the regular organist!

Holy Humour

**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,
 "I know what the Bible means!"
 His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know'
 what the Bible means?
 The son replied, "I do know!"
 "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
 "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands
 for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

 =======

 There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family
 Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
 "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
 "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

 ========

 "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the
 world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say,
 "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up
 in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

Children Are Quick

TEACHER:     Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:          Here it is.
TEACHER:    Correct.  Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:          Maria. 
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TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on  the floor?
JOHN:           You told  me to do it without using tables. 
__________________________________________
TEACHER:   Glenn, how do you spell  'crocodile?'
GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER:   No, that's wrong
GLENN:        Maybe it is wrong, but you  asked me how I spell it.    
(I   Love this child)
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TEACHER:    Donald, what is the chemical formula for  water?
DONALD:       H I J K L M N O 
TEACHER:    What are you talking  about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
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TEACHER:    Winnie, name one important thing we have  today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:        Me! 
__________________________________________    

TEACHER:    Glen, why do you always get so  dirty?
GLEN:           Well,  I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________________ 

TEACHER:      Millie, give me a sentence starting with  '  I..  '
MILLIE:          I   is.. 
TEACHER:      No, Millie..... Always say, 'I   am.'
MILLIE:          All right...   'I am the ninth letter of the  alphabet.'   
________________________________ 

TEACHER:     George Washington not only chopped down his  father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do  you know why his father didn't punish  him?
LOUIS:            Because  George still had the axe in his  hand....   
______________________________________    

TEACHER:     Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say  prayers before eating?
SIMON:          No sir, I don't  have to, my Mum is a good cook.  
______________________________ 

TEACHER:         Clyde, your composition on  'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :          No, sir.. It's  the same dog.    

(I  want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________ 

TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on  talking when people are no longer  interested? 
HAROLD:      A  teacher __________________________________   

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S  MEDICINE!!

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